It Doesn't Kill Me Anymore

Yogyakarta.

I was born in this city 18 years ago. But in age 5, I moved and left this city for my Daddy's duty. Jumped to Solo, Dumai, Tangerang, and Jakarta for 13 years. Finally at 18, I got my university life here.

Everything about Jogja was supposed to be fine and interesting. I loved it when my sister travelled me to some new cafe and cute resto. Or to some nice food stall with cheap price. Places were looked so good at that time. The questions "where will we go?" or "where will we eat?" was my favorite and  I would answer it with the places I wanted to go.

Went to big wooden house with its special hot poci tea and chicken feet cooked-with-soy-sauce at late night with uncles and sister, was so wonderful. The place was so homy, even tho you might look at everyone suspiciously because of the tiny petromaks lights. Or, when Jalan Kaliurang stole my big attention because there were heaps of food stall and resto there, the Metropolitan Jogja, I named it. Happened too in Jalan Palagan, where the best hotel and premium resto spreaded over there.

Whenever my sister took me out, I felt like a tourist in my hometown. Every aspects of Jogja attracted me as well.

Places were look so good, and strange.

Roads, oh, totally strange even I couldn't find my way back home if you dropped me at somewhere.

The people, my sister friends, they were just colony of strangers. I knew their names and just it.

STRANGE IS GOOD. Why good? Because I am curious to know how the whole day would run, how the new place would surprise me with its goodness (or mess), how the road would lead me to some unique spots, how the people would treat me beautifully at the first time we met. Is it good for someone to have lots of curiosity? Curiosity killed the cat, Einstein said.

Then, time passed by. I've been here for almost a year.

Then, this city became very familiar to me. The place, road, and its people. I am no more stranger in this city. I am no more tourist who doesn't know how to find way back to her guesthouse. This city is now a home to me. But not a seriously home where I, sometime, am not that comfort and safe to be inside.

There are no more my curious eyes starring interesting-ly at the left or right side of Jalan Kaliurang, trying to find good food spots. I've ever been there and there, tried the A and the B and the C. What  really exist now is just bunch of collegers and workers flooded on the road in morning & afternoon, trapped in annoying traffic jam. 

There are no more the curious me hoping for surprises on the road. The road didn't lead me to somewhere wonderful. All of wonderful places now just a dull. Also, impatient drivers overwhelmed the crowd tiny roads. So tiredful.

There are no more beautiful treats from the people. Most of them hate and talk behind each other. Even some of them still do beauty things. So the word "people come and go" does exist. The hates go, the goods stay.

I don't hate this city and its reality. I just hate my self when I don't have curiosity anymore.